
A brief conversation woke me up into my being as the head of Graduate Study Program. After four years of service, I returned to my regular position: a lecturer. While moving out my things from the head office, our assistant said abruptly, “It’s not the same now without your presence.” I thought he was overthinking. There would not be any differences with my replacement. But then he continued that he would no longer hear my tapping shoes and the smell of the coffee I brew every morning. I could not hold my smile. What he said is true.
That little talk made me think back to the time when I was in the office. On my very first day working as the head of study program, I realized the significant addition of my contact names in my cellular phone. Usually, I am selective in saving the names of my acquaintances. This is not because I am exclusive. It is simply because the memory capacity of my phone is limited. Furthermore, I never expected to send messages to every single student whose name was listed in my contact at least once during their period of study. Looking back at my time in office, I wondered. During those days, I might have become a different person to accomplish the various tasks given.
I learned many things when I was in charge. Working in structural positions means constraints in terms of time and choice. Many things must be resolved in a short time with few options. It took me a while to understand the pattern when problems arose. For example, the time when students pick up courses or during the peak of students’ exams. Over time, I also learned that I could not hold a call or prompt message. All must be answered. The greatest pressure I face is that I cannot change the rhythm. The beat, pace, and tempo of academic work were steady, following the one and only direction. The boredom of routine can stifle creativity and freedom, ultimately killing your passion for life.

I do not say that there is no advantage in becoming a person in charge in an office. I had chance to build a wide network, meet important people, and even take side jobs offered by new acquaintances. People would know you and serve you. In short, you will be overwhelmed by the attention and privilege given to you. However, what kind of life do I want to live? The question keeps repeating in my mind.
George Lucas said, “We are all living in cages with the door wide open.”
I think I will take the opportunity now to go through that open door.




















